what to say when someone says you're overthinking

This is an example of empowering with empathy, Potter says. When people are "too much in their head," this signifies over-engagement with unwanted thoughts. But it is not limited to these conditions. It can also play a role in mental health issues like anxiety and depression, so it is important to find ways to break out of such destructive thought patterns. If youre worried about pushing the wrong type of help on a friend, switch up your wording and ask what they need instead. You might find out they could use some company, that they want to talk on the phone, or that they need a little space. And then plan for all the alternatives. David A. Clark, Ph.D., is a practicing clinical psychologist and Professor Emeritus with the Department of Psychology at the University of New Brunswick. You might send some of these text messages immediately after learning about a loss. "Someone who is experiencing anxiety may feel overwhelmed, worried, stressed, fearful, isolated, insecure, and even agitated or irritable," Myers says. Attention training is a meditation technique that can benefit people with anxiety and depression. I often ask myself "what if" questions. Or away from the house for a few hours. Kristy G. I have to know times and dates for things months in advance. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. It can be difficult at first, but learning to call out your own overthinking can help you learn to replace negative thoughts with more helpful ones. Soc Sci Med. No call means he is not thinking about you. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America. Psychotherapist and international bestselling mental strength author. Quite simply, most of our life is uncertain. People tell me to just decide! But its not that simple for me. Anytime I think about calling for an appointment, I feel stressed. Andrea G. Im indecisive. "You can't outsmart the boss" could be referring to God, fate, or time. Every thought you have will not be truthful, accurate, or even realistic. While the brain may offer numerous or near-constant thought suggestions, its ultimately up to us to decide if we accept them.. Information provided on Forbes Health is for educational purposes only. What can you do to overcome your overthinking? And if I am even one minute late, I get upset and panic and feel like I failed. , Over-explaining myself. A lot. I have lists for everything! "This is an . Try not to judge it, and don't put pressure on yourself to repress it. It isn't a matter of having been born more sensitive than others. Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation. 8. I need to eat less." When I work too much, I can say, "I'm getting burned out. Here are 10 warning signs that youre overthinking: Its easy for anyone to get caught up in overthinking. This one serves as a gentle reminder that, even though it never feels like it in the moment, anxious feelings do eventually fade. They can help you develop the mental tools and coping skills you need to prevent overthinking. Asking for constant reassurance on matters that may not bother an ordinary person and also overexplaining things to people (as in giving too many details in an attempt to make sense). Hannia I. Just be sure that you are never accusatory (use the old "I" statements) and always compassionate, as your goal is to get them to open up, not shut down. It's easier said then done but you just have to stop yourself from over . Let your friend or loved one know that he or she is still in your thoughts even after a few weeks or months have passed. Being withdrawn and quiet, getting so caught up in making sure I heard them right and making sure I dont say anything foolish that I barely say anything or include myself in social situations unless its close family (not extended, even). Rach M. Get really quiet because I dont want to say anything wrong. Destiny V. Questioning if someone is mad at me over and over. Fortunately, there are several mental strength exercises you can do to change the channel in your brain from overthinking into a more healthy mindset. 15. 2. The goal is not to clear your mind, but rather to focus it on something and practice redirecting your focus whenever your thoughts wander. Also, because anxiety is so tiring and overwhelming, keep in mind that your partner, family member, or friend might not text back right away. (Hint: seeking reassurance only makes the urge worse long-term, so resist when you can!) Plus, thinking about all the things you could have done differently, second-guessing your decisions, and continuously imagining worst-case scenarios can be exhausting. 'I Want to Sleep But My Body Wont Let Me': Why Does This Happen? You need to become aware of how much mind space and energy you are needlessly spending on thinking this way. This form of overthinking happens when you base a rule or expectation for the future on a single or random event from the past. Analysis paralysis is real. You focus on one element of your relationship and look and look and look until you find something to get upset about. Opting for psychotherapy to work on yourself and your relationship is a good strategy. Read our, Speak to a Therapist for Stress Management. All Rights Reserved. Overthinking can be more pervasive for some people than others. Often, overthinking can occur when you have a lot of spare time on your hands. Things like "increased heart rate, increased . Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. If I have it all planned out, then I feel like I have more control of the outcome of the situation, even if its a bad one. Im just trying to work out all the details, scenarios, outcomes or options. Rachael A. I will not let my imagination plant improbable futures into my mind. Deciding in a split-second makes me uncomfortable, especially because during the time Im forced to choose quickly, I spend the time after my decision mulling over what could have happened instead and how I would have been happier with that other choice. Your doctor may be able to refer you to a therapist who can help you put an end to overthinking. Im afraid Ill forget something that I may need to know. Practicing mindfulness means being present in the moment and noting what you're feeling. Completing Tasks Slowly. Overthinking steps outside of the realm of "normalcy" when the negative and intrusive thoughts become so loud, disruptive, and upsetting that they interfere with your ability to perform everyday . Maybe you keep thinking about all the things that could go wrong when you give your presentation next week, or youve wasted countless hours trying to decide what to wear to your upcoming job interview. It can be a problem in its own right, and yet few people recognize the negative effect it can have on our emotional health, happiness, and well-being. When I zone out, its when my mind plays out every possible and even some impossible situations that could happen during the days activities. Liv W. I get worried when theres an even slight change in the persons tone and start apologizing for things I mightve done wrong. Just be sure to choose words that validate what theyre experiencing while avoiding accidental brush-off statements, like you need to calm down or everythings going to be fine. Although well-meaning, these kinds of texts can send the message that the person with anxiety just needs to stop worrying or get over it, Potter says, which can add to their feelings of isolation and disconnection.. You spend six hours of an eight hour work day complaining to different friends on G-Chat about this girl you brought home last night but . If their behavior is different towards you than for others, it may be personal. Heres an example that shows the difference between overthinking and problem-solving: Problem-solving can lead to productive action. : metacognitive differences in obsessive-compulsive disorder. He also is part of a research team looking to develop a new instrument that measures clients perceptions of whether counselors are effective in their ability to discuss the contextual dimensions of race, ethnicity, and culture (REC) with clients. Sometimes you get so swept up in trying to avoid thinking. I overthink about almost everything. experienced journalists and medical experts, Works to support healthy DNA, genes and telomeres which are related to youthful cell function, Added ingredient 2-HOBA supports DNA and cellular component from effects of free radicals, Formulated with powerful antioxidants to promote a healthy immune response, Learn the life-changing skill of meditation, Exclusive music to help you focus and relax, Receive support by practicing mindfulness and being present, Audio programs taught by world-renowned mindfulness experts, Added benefit of video lessons on mindful movement and gentle stretching. Many people have concluded that overthinking is part of their personality; theyve not realized that strategies are available to counter this anxiety-inducing habit. FEATURED PARTNER OFFER Partner Offers feature brands who paid Forbes Health to appear at the top of our list. While overthinking itself is not a mental illness, it is associated with conditions including depression, anxiety, eating disorders and substance use disorders. To cope with that Ive tried to give myself the same choice and make the same decision. By Amy Morin, LCSW, Editor-in-Chief Im wondering if people at work like me or if they like the work I do. If you are overthinking important issues in your life, you can get stuck in indecision, avoidance, and procrastination. According to Dr. Forshee, your body is able to pick up on when your mind is experiencing distress, and will ultimately start to react physiologically. The amount of time you spend in deep thought doesnt really matter, though. This looks different for everyone, but ideas. Pack everything when going on a trip. It does not help develop any insight into the situation. You can't control everything, just let it be. There are also different types of overthinking that a person might engage in. Ruminatingor rehashing the same things over and over againisnt helpful. Taking time to breathe out through the mouth is a helpful way to slow down one's central nervous system, Michelle Pargman, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor, tells Bustle. My brain is going over 30 possibilities for one thing. "I'm so sorry I never had the honor of meeting [Name].". Ignoring the thought or not taking it seriously could be disastrous. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? For example, if I have a thought like, Should I leave my spouse and file for divorce? Im going nowhere in this job; maybe I need new employment, or Im having chest pains; maybe I should go to the hospital, I need to pay attention to these thoughts. Self-reflection can be healthy as it involves learning and gaining perspective about yourself in regard to the situation at hand. Many of my clients have expressed frustration, even anguish, with their relentless experiences of self-imposed mental interrogation. I did not forget the answer, my overthinking is telling me the answer has changed. Marrisa E. I ask a lot of questions. She may over-analyze what you do, so be careful how you act. Overthinking may be a symptom of a mental health issue, like depression or anxiety. Having self-awareness is key to changing your mindset. You feel super bad when you unintentionally hurt someone and you will apologize a million times. Ros H. Saying sorry when there is nothing to be sorry about. Then I feel both relieved and unhappy, because Im stuck with the medical problem, but I avoided what I was anxious about. I agree to receive the Forbes Health newsletter via email. If you're wondering whether you are overthinking a particular situation or concern, there are a few things you can look for. Refuse to permit your mind to go to the scary what-if scenarios. And if you know it will give you more of a clear conscience and unburdened heart, it's worth it. 2023 Forbes Media LLC. I dont like to make decisions without seriously thinking it over. Here's how to recognize the signs that you're overthinking. On top of it, I struggle with OCD, too. , I jump to conclusions. Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares how you can stop dwelling in a negative mindset. What if you dont like the food, so you dont finish your plate, so you offend your friend who loves this restaurant and they never want to hang out with you again? Don't let it get under your skin or assume it has to do with a personal thing of them not liking you," Streif says. "If you want, I'd love to hear more about [Name].". Kaiser BN, Haroz EE, Kohrt BA, Bolton PA, Bass JK, Hinton DE. She sought treatment for anxiety, but within a short period of time, it was clear that she was caught in a self-defeating mental trap. Then, for another . So another way to validate their feelings. It's so important to remember that God knows every thought and . But thats usually not the case. So its harder to fall into a deep slumber when your brain is busy overthinking everything.. can actually decrease overthinking. Overthinking is a prominent characteristic of worry, rumination, and obsessive thinking. Receive the help you deserve. Keep a journal and write down specific moments that cause you to overthink or worry. Research shows thinking less about a problem might actually be the key to developing better solutions. Overthinking, on the other hand, fuels uncomfortable emotions and doesnt look for solutions. Here are a few ways to stop overthinking. David Susman, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist with experience providing treatment to individuals with mental illness and substance use concerns. I overthink about almost everything. This normalizes discussing your feelings and can make them feel more comfortable opening up about their own mental health, Sara Sharnoff Tick, MS, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. That just madethe overthinking worse. , Asking my husband 100 times a day if hes really happy with me even though he tells me 101 times a day that he is very happy with me. , I get distant like Im not fully there. BetterHelp makes professional therapy available anywhere through a computer, tablet, or smartphone. Its sort of like a chicken or egg type conundrum. Here are suggestions for what to say: 1. So another way to validate their feelings is by acknowledging how stressful and taxing anxiety can be. Being detail-oriented is typically a good thing, but if you're someone who tends to spend too much time on the specifics of a project, it could also be considered a weakness. Overthinking is different from problem-solving. Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own. Dattilo recommends placing any thoughts youre having on the back burner and focusing on your body. You've been poisoned. Own your overthinking. If you can relate, dont forget to have compassion for yourself, and know even if youre still working on it, youre not alone. Unconscious-Thought Effects Take Place Off-Line, Not On-Line. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Makes people feel weird and random, but probably not as weird as I feel having to say sorry without even knowing why. Marika K. I put off necessary things like medical appointments, because I overthink whether its important enough or not. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. In this case, overgeneralizing one event from the past to every event in the future often leads to overthinking and worrying about things that might never occur. Ways to develop stronger interpersonal skills include: Meditation can be an excellent tool for redirecting your thoughts more positively. Studies have found that improving your interpersonal skills can help stop you from overthinking since these skills have a large effect on this particular habit. People tell me to just decide! But its not that simple for me. Im wondering if Im doing the best. Instead of looking at both the good and the bad, you might analyze an event only in terms of it being a total success or a total failure. When you try to sleep, you might even feel as though your brain is on overdrive as it replays scenarios in your head and causes you to imagine bad things happening. 1. That laser focus can. Therapy can help distinguish which worries are productive or unproductive. Overthinking often involves ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. The opposite approach is to disengage from the thought. 2. After all, how is it possible to come up with a better solution without thinking about it? (Hint: seeking reassurance only. If any amount of time is spent actually learning from previous behavior and coming up with creative solutions, then it is productive. Think of all the positive outcomes in life that could (and have) happened. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? The more you think about a problem, the worse you feel. If they truly arent in the mood to talk, let them know youre on standby and will rush to their side (in person or via text) whenever they call. You can essentially "shock" your senses by taking the power away from one area of your body and giving it to another. Ot even that I will forget to lock the door and someone will break in while Im gone. Armandina L. Not responding right away when I am asked a question. Robin W. Taking a long time to answer, because Im mulling everything over too much. Here are nine scriptures to encourage you and help you stop overthinking today: Psalm 139:23-24. Research suggests that people who extend themselves such compassion are more likely to use adaptive coping strategies. Her TEDx talk, "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time. "See how they respond," Overstreet says. "Overthinking is more intense and a common occurrence.". I dont like to make decisions without seriously thinking it over. It increases your chances of mental illness. I need sleep. Be grateful for the good things your partner does for you and try not to focus on the small things he or she doesn't do, says Ziegler. Privacy Overthinking involves thinking about a certain topic or situation excessively, analyzing it for long periods of time. Ready for a few ideas? Ot even that I will forget to lock the door and someone will break in while Im gone. , Not responding right away when I am asked a question. , Taking a long time to answer, because Im mulling everything over too much. Its easy to convince yourself that ruminating and worrying over things is somehow helpful. But the two are definitely distinct. Your health and wellness is unique to you, and the products and services we review may not be right for your circumstances. Ha, yeah, that wouldn't be good. The Anxious Thoughts Workbook: Skills to Overcome the Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts that Drive Anxiety, Obsessions & Depression. The offers that appear in this table are from partnerships from which Verywell Mind receives compensation. Here are 10 examples of the best weaknesses to mention in a job interview: 1. While it may be necessary to go above and beyond for a loved one on occasion, its possible to offer comfort and support to someone whos feeling anxious, without also burning yourself out. 7. I spend so much time either dwelling on past events or worrying about the future that I often miss whats going on in the present. If your overthinking focuses on your partner, you could say something like, "My partner loves me. If youre not an overthinker, it can be hard to understand why seemingly simple things are just so hard for some people. When you work on something, you want to do a good job. With just a little effort, you can adjust your thinking and take steps to. Overthinking is a problem for another type of thinking that I discussed in a previous post: negative intrusive thoughts. If they noticed I just give a, Sorry I spaced, you were saying..? And hope they keep going without asking questions. , I become more distant thanI usually am, stare off into space, draw blanks, stutter when someone asks me something, etc. Dear mind, please stop thinking so much at night. Although text messages can provide comfort for some, this may not be the case for [everyone who has] anxiety, Myers says. Avoid doing anything that pushes you past your limits, like texting 24/7 or staying up super late. Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. 2013;122(2):339-352. doi:10.1037/a0031994, Thomsen DK, Mehlsen MY, Christensen S, Zachariae R. Ruminationrelationship with negative mood and sleep quality. Your thoughts don't control you. 4) Maintain a healthy social network of your own. "People can feel frustrated, angry, or misunderstood when someone tells them to calm down because it's like they're saying, 'You shouldn't feel that way,' or 'Your feelings don't count,'" Dr.. Terms. If you notice yourself overthinking, there are steps you can take to limit your worrying and cope in a healthier way, says Duke. Behaviour Research and Therapy. When it comes to thinking about a problem, balance is the key Smith-Acua, says. Either way, it's apparent that overthinking can cause your mental health to decline. Did this person recently experience something particularly anxiety-inducing, like a job interview, family get-together, or even something smaller, like a tough phone call? If youre looking for a mental health provider, what type of treatment are you looking for? You Seek Perfection in Everything You Do. Well, the answer is not as obvious as you might think. Both of his hands didn't get broken while saving his grandmother from a burning casino and he has no way of communicating with you. Confuse Your Senses. Overanalyzing peoples facial expressions and body language, feeling that my conversation is boring them. Donna S. Analyzing their every little facial micro-expression, let alone any minute change in their vocal inflection. Ursula A. It is just my way of making sure that my own thoughts arent escaping my head. Bratman GN, Hamilton JP, Hahn KS, Daily GC, Gross James J. Rufus Tony Spann, Ph.D., L.C.P.C., L.P.C. Ill just stare off into space. Its an example of a positive affirmation, Myers says, which could help provide hope, perspective, and motivation to push through their anxiety. Finding ways to put an end to overthinking can help you take action in your life versus simply thinking about things that are bothering you. 2. Overthinking is about dwelling on the problem, while problem-solving involves looking for a solution. On top of it, I struggle with OCD, too.". Are you hurting yourself?" If your friend has not told you that they. And then as mental health declines, it becomes more and more tempting to overthink. This compensation comes from two main sources. "You're still in my thoughts. Take worry, for example, which is a hallmark feature of generalized anxiety disorder, says Dattilo. I take the smallest change in tone or facial expression as a sign they dont like me or are annoyed with me. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications. I did not forget the answer, my overthinking is telling me the answer has changed. , I ask a lot of questions. Ask the same question(s) multiple times. Overthinking is also different than self-reflection. Then I think of every scenario I may have annoyed them in the recent past. Rachel A. The act of overthinking can be linked to psychological problems such as anxiety and depression, although its hard to know which happens first in each individual. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life" (NLT). Validation doesn't necessarily mean we agree with another's subjective reality.Validation simply allows another person's emotional state a space to exist. Shed ask herself over and over what caused me to have this thought, what does it mean," what if I get stuck and become more and more anxious, or, I need to find a way to get better control of my mind." 1) Keep track of triggers and patterns A little mindfulness and attention can go a long way toward getting a grip on overthinking. The easiest way to practice it is to focus on something completely mundane and routine, such as washing dishes or folding laundry. Or, you could always jot down a to-do list. If you are busy yourself, seeing friends, playing sports or music, then you are much less likely to overthink. To cope with that Ive tried to give myself the same choice and make the same decision. With practice, you will find it much easier to halt overthinking in its tracks before it becomes a more serious problem. I have to plan when I wake up, what I wear, if Ill even go, everything. Even though excessive thinking might harm mental health, it may be controlled with the right methods. When feeling upset, do you often focus on what you are thinking? Overthinking, on the other hand, involves dwelling on the problem. Mara Santilli is a freelance writer and editor who covers women's health, wellness trends and topics related to health equity. You could waste a lot of time thinking your life would be better if youd only taken that other job or not started a business. 2 Clark, D. A. She's also a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and international bestselling author. It's like my brain won't shut off," or, "I can't stop thinking about how my life could have been better if I'd have done things differently.". Assuring them youre a safe person to reach out will help them feel less alone. You might be more or less sensitive to mistreatment from others, so it helps to get a second or third opinion. While this may influence where their products or services appear on our site, it in no way affects our ratings, which are based on thorough research, solid methodologies and expert advice. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. Are you often in a struggle to control your thoughts. You can even offer to do it with them, as a sign of moral support. You get it. Psychological Science. Assuming the worst and jumping to incorrect conclusions can lead to arguments and conflicts with other people. And, your brain might even develop a solution for you when you stop thinking about the problem. Asking a question can create an open dialogue, which can make it easier/more comfortable for a person with anxiety to reply, Dana Myers, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of A Fit Mind Life Coaching, tells Bustle. It is helpful to skew the quality and quantity of negative thoughts to a more balanced harmony with good memories, Romanoff says. I'm wondering if people at work like me or if they like the work I do. Post-Its on my fridge with the same information that is written on my wall calendar and desk calendar. Lauren D. Take notes and write everything down. Psalm 94:19 says, "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.". Worrying about a multitude of obsessive thoughts, sometimes scary ones and thinking about them constantly ( obsessive-compulsive disorder) Thinking -- overthinking -- a tumbling chain of worries, vague thoughts, and specific thoughts (all anxiety disorders) Result of Anxiety and Overthinking