Some people who are looking to get out of a marriage will be very nice to everyone except their spouse so that when they want to leave everyone in the neighborhood will be saying that it must be the other person's fault for ruining a marriage to such a nice person. He makes disrespectful comments to your face and behind your back. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online. This leads to their devaluing you (and in many cases, it can also lead to permanent or temporary discard but well get to that in a minute). Atkinson founded QueenBeeing.com Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support, the SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups and the Life Makeover Academy. Vent your frustrations using the sandwich method. If yes your relationship still has hope. Hes looking to create some sort of self-pity. Required fields are marked *. Sometimes, regaining self-love helps people start loving others in their life, if theres one thing I know, its that you cant give what you dont have. Lastly, if you're worried about how you'll cope financially if/when you leave, it might be helpful to visit your local CAB or call the helpline to find out what benefits and other support you'll be entitled to. It amazes me how my wife (or soon to be ex-wife) can walk around and continue life like getting this divorce is no big deal and that our marriage was literally meaningless. Men who suffer from low testosterone can become irritable, angry, and depressed; they tend to transfer their aggression to their wives and kids at the slightest opportunity. There are so many other factors to consider which brings me to number two. Are you wondering why hes acting this way? If properly motivated, your spouse could change his stripes and turn a new leaf. Without much ado, lets delve into some of the reasons your husband is mean to you and nice to everyone else. Whatever his reasoning is, until youve told him how it makes you feel its not fair to have a go at him without giving him an option to explain himself and change his behavior. Your partner may have suffered many physical and psychological waves of abuse while growing up and this may have affected how he sees the female folk. Someone who is narcissistic thinks he is better than everyone else, demeans and intimidates others, has a sense of entitlement, exploits people without shame or guilt, has delusions of grandeur and has a grandiose sense of self-importance. "If he says unkind or hurtful things to you couched in a kind . Youll see if hes messaging another woman, how often, what apps hes using etc. 4. Here are reasons why your husband compliments other people more than you and what you can do to change his behavior: This is a passive-aggressive way some guys will try and get your attention. Remember that you are as important as everyone else and remember to take care of your own needs. Narcissists dont have this ability. My Husband is a Disappointing Father (11 Bad Dad Behaviors and How to Counter Them), Reasons Why He's Nice To Everyone Except You, Why Is Your Husband Mean? He's not even interested in showing or receiving affection. 11. I felt that by lashing out at her and pushing her buttons, that gave me more power and control in the relationship, which was wrong. All he is concerned about is advancing his own. We've since learned what each other's strengths and weaknesses are and accept them. Relationship advice for women that is researched-backed and data driven and actually works. It was a little thing, but it allowed you to keep up to date with the important (and, yes, sometimes the not so important) goings on in each other's lives. Mr. Rights mode of operation attacks the psychological state of mind of their victim. In reality, this is just 50% of bipolar disorder. The truth is: a relationship is not meant to be dominated by one partner alone; you both are supposed to respect each others idea and to not take suggestions or complaints of each other with the perfunctory and prejudicial mind. It is possible that your partner might be narcissistic and this allows him to demean you without feeling any sense of guilt or remorse. Your spouse might not be comfortable with your recent attitude or the kind of friends you roll with. Conflict resolution. There could be a more innocuous reason for why your husband is always complimenting everyone else and thats because he wants to be liked by everyone. I love you.". Any man that does not regard or respect you does not deserve you. Talk to him. It could be that he has an impulsive nature or that he lacks empathy for you. You hear that right. him. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. She knew that I would say harsh things to her if she went against my desires. He may have seemed like a decent and nice guy before you got married, but once those vows were said, his attitude towards you, 4. Some mood episodes can cause behavior that is out of character and difficult to tolerate. Don't expect him to get this right right away. Then let it go. 2. Indifference. This abuser according to Bancroft tells series of tales of how he had suffered from abuse from his ex-partner in the past, tarnishing the image of his ex-partner becomes part of his mission, as he would effortlessly do this regularly. So thats what were talking about today: exactly how and why narcissists can be so cruel to you and so kind to everyone else. This can take the form of the silent treatment, ghosting or even actually ending the relationship. I'm a huge nerd when it comes to understanding how relationships between men and women work, and what drives a certain behavior. You love him to the moon and back, but he just treats you badly both when youre alone and in the company of your friends or family. I'm not saying he wants to divorce you, just a . If he accepted he contributed to the problem, but added that he wouldnt have done what he did if not for the fact that his ex-partner encouraged it; this is another sign that hes most likely an abuser. If you have a smartphone you could download the Headspace app which has short guided meditations; there are also books on mindfulness which usually come with a CD (I recommend "Mindfulness: a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world" by Mark Williams and Danny Pelman). It was obvious where his priorities were. When he begins to launch his laser abusive psychological attack you will be more than convinced that hes not the problem, and this will begin to make you start checking yourself to know what exactly is wrong with you. Underneath all the contemptible behavior is a man who just wants the attention of his wife. 10 Reasons to Explain His Behavior, 5. You will begin to feel hes the best, not knowing hes another beast in human clothing. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Whether it's an addiction, an affair, or poor performance in your life, many times, husbands point to their wives as the reason for their weakness. From experience, when a man picks fights with you over petty issues, those are not the, main issues bothering him. And to remember that if you cant take care of yourself, no one else is likely to do it for you and I mean emotionally, physically and otherwise. You might be doing everything right; its just that he might cheat on you. We can help loved ones recognize and prevent these shifts before they damage our relationship. I always recommend a mental approach to matters like this. At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. We are all going through a difficult time as our community is grieving the loss of our coach and guiding light, Angie Atkinson. 02/05/2016 16:50. In a bid to feel among, he does and says things that are unbecoming of him. He was going to be so caring and all over you. If this is the case, I think your marriage stands a chance at redemption. Other people pour their hearts out to him and he spends so much time texting them and acting like their therapist. Some men unknowingly are narcissistic in nature, they have this superior mentality that makes them feel they are better than everyone else. He has been abused by women in the past, Your partner may have suffered many physical and psychological waves of abuse while growing, up and this may have affected how he sees the female folk. The Pre-Conditioning Factor (Brainwashing). No matter how badly they treat me, they are never in the wrong in his eyes, it's somehow my fault. marked lack of empathy that narcissists display, Narcissists have a typical relationship cycle, books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel, trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups, coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com. Narcissistscan be incredibly, painfully rude, mean anddownright abusive in the way that they speak to you. My wife of 12 years is a Registered nurse. Any man that does not regard or respect you does not deserve you. When their act of revenge starts playing out, thats the stage you usually find it difficult to connect the dots as to their reasons behind their mean behaviors towards you. Sensitive. So when they are behind closed doors with a pre-conditioned supply, their true selves can come out and play. Narcissists Are Predictable: Here's the Playbook! Your partner might be being nice to everyone but you because he feels insecure. Before you got married, you paid extra attention to your looks, but all that, changed when you get married. The one sacred thing for my husband is his family. Rather than, acknowledge the problem and tackle it head-on, some men transfer aggression to their, wives and kids. Is it heartbreaking and confusing for you? You're Always the Problem (i.e. When your partner seems angry most of the time, it can have a number of effects on your relationship, including: Damage to a feeling of safety and trust. Its not a nice feeling and its not the right way for your husband to express how dissatisfied he feels. One of the main signs of a disrespectful husband is when he never ever asks your opinion on anything. I didnt give it to him, but I agreed to take his. It might not necessarily mean hes going to act on it or that hes cheating, but it is something you need to talk to him about. Thats why it is important to find out what stands behind his behavior. ), but Id ask for him to just be nice to me for the day. Good luck. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. I hate to break it to you but it is possible you have found yourself stuck with a man who, cares more about his needs in life than yours. Right leads his victim when he wants to take charge of a discussion, by assuming the position of an authority with defining reality, talking from both side of his mouth so the wife would believe his points are the most superior.